standing by

sometimes, when you smile at me in a crowd
I pretend not to see you.
it's the dumbest thing. but I want you
all to myself, in those instants; so badly in fact
that I'd rather you didn't touch me at all.

when you smile in a way that's new to me,
I check the impulse to reach for it, hands outstretched --
to warm myself before you hungrily.

so shamefully familiar are your noises,
your expressions, that it's best
to turn away once in a while, to let you be.
no one really wants to be studied so closely.
x-rayed by love, anticipated,
surmised.

if i ignore you when you walk into the room,
please don't take it to heart;
all down the length of me I'm listening.

i'm standing by.