double negative

I can't not love you.
I can't not want you,
late at night before I fall asleep,
and first thing waking, still warm
No matter how I pray;
because you are my calm
as well as my conflict.
I cannot make myself pick up the hammer
and assault the final barrier between us
because that would change
everything
And not for the better.
It takes the double-negative
of not-not-loving,
not-not-wanting,
and for good measure
not telling you the truth
To balance out my endless passion
for what does not
does not
belong to me.